Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
