the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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