Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
