just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
