I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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