Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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