You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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