Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
