Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
