if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
