singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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