The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
