Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
