my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
