apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
