life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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