absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
