its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
