YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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