I think I can smell my own vagina right now
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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