Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
