Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
