We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm always down for nudity.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize