lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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