she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
