I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
