I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Randomize
