I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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