Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
