we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
