U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
