Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
