i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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