We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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