Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
