You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
