I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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