she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
