he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Holy shit dude........stairs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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