i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize