The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
