The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
