Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
