Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
