i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
