it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize