If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There's always time for handjobs
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
