both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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