yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
