mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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