i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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