Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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