5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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