mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
