Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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