so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
