So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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