Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
