I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
