Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
