Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
