So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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