Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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