Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
