you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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