I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
