i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
