Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
