I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
