i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
