I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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